Funny Story
There was a man who was fat,
his name was Paul and his job was to dress up as a clown a go to birthday parties.
Today he was going to a boy’s party,
when he got there he started to tricks and make the kids laugh. When they were
going to cut the cake Paul/the clown started to dance, but then Paul tripped and
landed face first into the cake. Everyone started laughing Paul started laugh
too. they didn’t get to eat the cake but the parents went and bought another
one. Paul washed up did more funny stuff the left.
Your first sentence, There was a man who was fat, his name was Paul and his job was to dress up as a clown a go to birthday parties. You could rephrase it to read, There was a man named Paul who was fat and his job was to dress up as a clown to entertain children at birthday parties.
ReplyDeleteYour next sentence, Today he was going to a boy’s party, when he got there he started to tricks and make the kids laugh. You need to put the word 'do' in between 'to' and 'tricks'.
Everyone started laughing Paul started laugh too. It should read, Everyone started laughing and Paul started to laugh as well.
And your last sentence, Paul washed up did more funny stuff the left. You should rephrase it to read, Paul washed up, did some more funny tricks and then left.
Interesting story. At the end you said "they didn't ..." they should be capitalized and you can not use contractions in your story. Also your ending is abrupt. You should change the ending a little bit.
ReplyDeletenice story indent and I think you should separate your story into 2 paragraphs.
ReplyDelete