Jeff loved cars and he got in
a lot of trouble. But this time Jeff was getting chased by cops. Jeff was
driving a mauve car. Jeff drove under a
bridge so the cops in the helicopter would not be able to see him.
One of the cops said, “Pull over,” but Jeff
did not listen. He took a sharp turn and drove into a cart of carrots. Jeff saw some
kids in front of him, so he quickly took a left and crashed into a steel pole. The car caught
on fire and blew up.
The cops went to Jeff's parents and said, “Your son died in a car
accident.” They were tearful.
- YOU WROTE TEAR UP INSTEAD OF TEARFUL
ReplyDelete-drove into a basket of carrots., YOU PUT A PERIOD AND A , SO CHANGE THAT
-"Jeff loved cars and he got in a lot of trouble and this time Jeff was getting" AFTER TROUBLE YOU SHOULD HAVE BUT THIS TIME
-FOR THE LAST paragraph you should put the cops went to jeffs house and told his mom "Your son died in a car accident
Thanks
Delete-Indent your 1st paragraph
ReplyDelete-After the word trouble I would put a comma instead off a new sentence
- The last sentence They were tearful. you forgot a period.
- End of 1st paragraph you forgot a period.
- Begging of 2nd paragraph you wrote One of cops said. change it to One of the cops said.
- Double space after a period.
thanks
Deleteput a period after him
ReplyDeleteYour story is kind dull. You should describe the action, and you should get rid of the last part when the police officer told his family he died.
ReplyDelete