The Slime Dripped Through
Today was Billy’s
birthday and he got lots of presents. He was turning 6 years old. After cutting
the cake Billy opened his presents, he didn’t like any of the presents except for
one. It was slime, he said “this is awesome’’ Billy took it to school everyday
and his friends asked there parents to get them slime too. One day after
walking home from school the slime fell out of his hands and then the slime dripped through
a man hole. Billy started crying. When he got home he asked his parents to get
him another one but they said no.
Great story but in your first sentence you could have wrote this "Today was Billy's sixth birthday." Then you could have wrote "Billy got a lot of presents today." in the sentence "After cutting the cake Billy opened his presents, he didn’t like any of the presents except for one." instead of putting a comma between presents and he you could have wrote it like this "After cutting the cake Billy opened his presents. He didn’t like any of the presents except for one. Other than that great story.
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