Monday 28 November 2016

Wide Orange Crocodile

There once was crocodile named Dragon who
lived in the zoo he was different from other crocodiles because he was orange. The other crocodiles hated him because he got more attention than the other crocodiles. One day when Dragon was performing for an audience he collapsed within 2 minutes of his performance zookeepers tried to save its life because without

Dragon they don’t get that much money      . they said that dragon had a heart attack and they said they found a wide hole in his heart. Dragon died and everyone was sad. People came to leave flowers for Dragon.
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3 comments:

  1. Tomahawk29 November 2016 at 09:54

    This was a nice story but i found 2 mistakes the first 1 was when in the story it said "tried to save its life because without" you forgot to put the period at the end and you were supposed to add this ' between ts for the word its.

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  2. Unknown29 November 2016 at 10:17

    I think you need a comma after Dragon died,
    I would add a comma after he lived in a zoo,
    You are not aloud to use apostrophes, the teacher said.
    Also you need to change its to it is.

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  3. Annabeth30 November 2016 at 18:15

    This was a really adorable story, I just found some mistakes, after you wrote, There once was crocodile named Dragon who
    lived in the zoo he was different from other crocodiles because he was orange. You should put a comma after zoo.
    Also when you wrote, One day when Dragon was performing for an audience he collapsed within 2 minutes of his performance zookeepers tried to save its life because without

    Dragon they don’t get that much money . You should put a comma after performance and instead of, to save its life, you should write, to save his life. And you put too much of a space before the period.
    After that sentence you forgot to capitalize 'they'.

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